My bestfriend (20M) and I(19F) are in love

2022.01.24 09:14 melisandmermai My bestfriend (20M) and I(19F) are in love

So.. my bestfriend and I met 6 years ago. He loves me and I love him but no one of us made the first step. August 2021 was the month I decided I want to make it. He kinda accepted it and he did not refuse or anything.. I started being more sweet with him and what couples do. Well, nothing changed until January 2022 because of a long story about his past and I understood him.
January 2022 was the month we decided to "upgrade" what's between us :D. We talked about a lot of stuff and after a fer hours he did confess his feelings to me.. also he said we are together for a few years but unofficial. He always talks about how happy I make him and his life wouldn't be the same without me.. a lot of sweet things. I was very happy because I love him very very much and I know he does that too.. We started the relationship and everything was perfect. After one week we talked about it and he told me he feels weird, pressed because of the relationship. He knows he hurt me, he said he is really sorry and understands every decision I am going to take.
He says that he can't love.. he feels weird and he realised that if he cannot love me then he's lost.. because I am the only person that he trust 100% and I have a lot of qualities, as he says.. Also whenever I tried to flirt with him, he did continue because he felt good and loved and he knows how much I love him but after some time he would feel bad like he did something wrong. He is in another city for studying.. I will move to that city for studies too soon. After a few months we will live together. Maybe things will get different. He also says that he cannot give me what I deserve and I always explain him he does.. even more than what I deserve. As I said he is perfect.. he got a pure and amazing heart, he treats me very well, he takes care of me, he loves me in his way, he helps me with everything, he is handsome, smart, funny, incredible.. He is just the type of man you cannot say "no" to..
I really wish things will get better and we will be able to solve something.. I regret that it did not work.. I really love this man from the bottom of my heart and I did it for years but my fear of losing this friendship was too big. But I risked.. I risked and I do not regret. I just hope that we will solve it.. I do not want to lose him and I honestly see him in my future. He is a perfect man but his past made him think different and made him feel different about relationships.. It makes me sad and frustrated. Also we are friends for now and I try as much as I can to be normal around him and act like before.. but it is hard, it kills me. Whenever we talk on phone I try to make my voice sound like before but my heart does not let me.
I do not know what to say, I really feel bad and I just want things to work better.. I want to help him but it is not a thing I can help with. I hope he will try to change and we will be able to continue what we started but ended after 1 week. I feel so lucky for having him in my life and every time I think that he is a gift from God. I love him a lot and I wish that everything was different.. I regret that I did not risk earlier. I should've done that years ago. I love him and I really want him to be by my side. We always act like lovers but we never were together except for that one week. Also his friends saw that and kept asking if we are together and saying that I am so in love with him so is he..
TL;DR: my bestfriend and I tried a relationship after 6 years of friendship but things did not go very well. Because of his past and bad experience in love, his heart turned cold. He does not feel the love as he used to before and it was the reason we broke up. He thinks he is not enough for me and his love is forced. He feels pressed and weird. He is an amazing man but he is very confused.
What should we do? How should we treat the relationship? Will things get better when we will meet again? What do you think?
P.S: I am sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker and I studied it by myself.. I'm sorry for my grammar mistakes!
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